Calling XL'ers: Laughter Guaranteed

Disclaimer: This is not a work of fiction. All characters are real and can be found somewhere or the other if you try really hard to find them. All the incidents below have actually happened.

Scene1: After a gruelling mock interview session where students had donned the role of BCG executives and wannabe Consultants.
FJSJ: "Son, What is that?" (Pointing to an old Dennis the Menace wall clock)
Poor Wannabe PW: "I'm sorry that we extended our alloted time".. umm aahh blah blah
FJSJ: "Son I asked you a simple question, What is that?"
PW:"We are sorry, but we couldn't finish it in time"... blah blah blah
FJSJ: "Is it so difficult for you to answer such a simple question, What is that"(in unmeasurable Decibels)....
PW: Nearly in tears"Thats a wall clock"

FJSJ: Not done yet "And what does it show" ..... :D
PW: "The time".....
All others rolling in the aisles

Scene2: After another such Mock interview session to a wannabe:
FJSJ: "Son, if the amount of information that you know about the company be written on the back of a postage stamp, there would still be enough space to write your resume over there."
All roar again.... :D

Scene3: On a VIP's visit to campus:
FJSJ: "You think with a speech like that you will be allowed to introduce him to others, you should be glad if they allow you to even polish his shoes..."

Scene4: On a hyper active mock interview by a wannabe:
FJSJ: "Son, the performance that you put up, even a 39th grade tamil comedian of C grade movies would be impressed by you."

Scene5: On a speech about independence by a wannabe:
FJSJ: "And, Son you said 'Passionate Forefathers'. Do you understand the meaning of passion, and that it is used in a sexual way."

Scene6: A Cell phone rings in the class by mistake:
FJSJ: "If I hear another phone ring, I will personally go and plant all your mobiles in the garden outside. Who is going to call you incompetent idiots anyway."

Scene7: On a question by a wannabe about apostrophes and colons:
FJSJ: "Why does everyone feel like i'm responsible for all the idiots in this world."

Scene8: On repeating the question by another wannabe:
FJSJ: "Do I hear a echo in the classroom"

Some gems from B:

Scene9: After another of those Mock Interviews:
FJSJ: "You think you did a good job, I hate to tell you but the whole interview panel was a bunch of dumb idiots who dont have an iota of information about your company, but I'm glad you selected him, not because he knows anything but because he is also a complete idiot like you guys."
Rolling in the aisles again with laughter...

Scene10: About etiquettes of starting conversations:
FJSJ: "You cannot just walk upto someone and ask them stupid questions like "Why have you bought this?" or "Why do you talk like that?"
Poor wannabe: Looks on in amazement...
FJSJ: "See for example I cannot ask him (pointing to poor wannabe) Why he looks so stupid?"

And thats not all, I know there are more. I would kindly request you all to add whatever anecdotes, remarks, statements you remember and post them as comments on this post for all others to enjoy...Cheers

You absolutely rock!!!

My previous post got me many phone calls, emails, comments, bouquets and brick bats. Many of them agreed to their psychological profile, and a few complained about some aspects and a few completely went overboard and said that I was a freak, which I would vehemently oppose but in a later post, maybe. First and foremost, Sorry Scott for shamelessly recreating your scenario but just couldn't resist the temptation. Okay so coming back to the profile thing, what I exactly did was a "Cold Read".

One fascinating aspect of the cold read, as it applies to horoscopes for example, is that they are more entertaining than you think they ought to be. I don't believe in astrology, but if you put a horoscope in front of me I will immediately look for Libra and read it. Likewise, I always take the time to open fortune cookies. What's up with that?
Answer: The most fascinating topic in the world, at least to you, is you.

Apparently, one of the big secrets of writing is that readers care about themselves more than they care about just about anything else. A writer can easily keep you interested if he writes someting personal about you, about your likes (and dislikes).

The cold read concept also overlaps with hypnosis and other forms of influence, such as advertising, sales, and seduction. When people believe, you understand them at a level they have not yet chosen to reveal, you get into their heads quickly, and that gives you influence. For example, you might say to a customer that you met only minutes ago, "I can tell you're a man who likes to get all the information before making a decision." It's a general statement that applies to most people, but it will feel to the customer as if you understand him, and his guard will come down a little, even if he knows exactly what you're up to. And he will like you better for turning the topic to him.There are many methodologies that are used, such as Barnum statements, Shot gun approach,Rainbow ruse etc, If you want to learn more about "Cold read" : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_reading

Right now you're wondering if something so simple would really work. You're a bit skeptical because things that sound that simple usually don't work. And if it were really that easy, wouldn't you already know about it? After all, you're extremely well read. In any gathering, you're the one who seems to know the most about lots of different topics. How can you test the cold read concept for influencing someone to see if it's legit? How would you Google it?

And, I definitely do not believe in astrology. That's because we Librans are always caught in two minds.... :D

Your Psychological Profile

Based on my interactions with you ( either personal / chat, mail, Social media etc), I have compiled a psychological profile of you.

You are unusually curious about how things work. You value function over form more often than not. You like solving problems, even if they are not your own problems, and other people don't always appreciate that about you. You can be argumentative. You like pets.

At least one of your parents is a bit of an intellectual. You place a high value on education. You think people control their own success over time, although luck plays a huge role in any given moment.

You are a very approachable person and a nice one although it is sometime in the past that you had to turn down an offer from a friend or from someone.

Your generosity has gotten you in trouble in the past. You don't trust the media. You think you're smarter than most of the people in your life.

You like finding ways to save time and money. Your relationships have been bumpy. You get angry a lot but you think it is usually justified. You wish you were funnier and more creative than you are.

You don't exercise as much as you think you should. You wonder what it would be like if you were even more attractive. You value science over superstition. Learning makes you feel good.

You have seen a struggle, a struggle in your personality during your adolescent life and sometimes you seem you have been imprisoned in that time in your life.

You have the knack of formalizing new ideas, but atleast more often than once you have been afraid to show it for fear of rejection.
Is that the real you, how did I do?